Curtains!

So I made some curtains. I am not going to go through every step and teach you how, but I'd like to highlight a few of the harder things. Well, I guess it wasn't really that hard, I just don't sew much. They are good high quality curtains though! I even put a lining on the back to protect them from fading and sun rot! That was kinda tricky because the fabric on the front is thick and heavy, the tabs at the top are thick and heavy and I had to sew the front and the tabs to the lining all at once! So the really light weight lining (lighter than a sheet) wouldn't sit still very well, even with all the pinning I did. But, after about 10 hours of work, they are complete!



I don't think they clash with my tablecloth too much, but I'm open to your opinions.





I didn't have to take any stitching out and re-do it, I did have to unpin something I had pinned backwards, but that's much less frustrating than taking out stitching. And, I did it all on this ancient beast!



This old singer was purchased by my Grandma on October 30, 1960. It still works! Pretty well too, I don't really have too many problems with it. The pedal is a little sticky and hard to control for subtle changes, but I got used to that. It doesn't always do exactly the same size stitches and it doesn't feed the fabric very well so sometimes when I thought I was sewing straight, there were little jumps left and right, but unless you really get close and inspect my stitching, you can't tell. All in all, I am quite pleased with how they turned out and my ability to actually do it! Mom, you'll make a sewer of me yet!

Eye Update

Well, after the last appointment I am still healing. Doc says he can still see white blood cells in my eyes, which means its still fighting. He is gone all this week, so my next appointment is next Tuesday. He cut my meds down to twice a day and the other drops down to every 2 hours instead of every hour. That is so much easier to deal with! So, for now I still have blurry vision and a super huge pupil from the drops. I really think if I could have gone in sometime this week, he would have taken me off my meds then. I think it's all the way better now. I don't have any pain when I forget to take my meds on time. One day I was 3 hours late and I didn't even notice! The doctor is afraid it will flair back up if he takes me off my meds before it's all the way gone so I guess I have to wait until he can look in my eye and see that it's all better. Like I said, my appointment is next Tuesday, which is August 3rd. Jus to give you a timeframe of my inconveniences with this stupid eye, I first went to the doctor July 1st. So that is an entire month of not really being able to use my eye, doctor visits, other people driving me around, etc. I am so ready for this to be over!

Temporarily a Pirate

Well, I have temporarily become a pirate. Here's how it happened. On July 1st, I went to the doctor's office because I thought I had pink eye. The next day, Friday, I was supposed to go to my sister's house but thought I shouldn't because of the pink eye. Well, I was tired of sitting around by myself and I had been on antibiotics for over a day, so I decided to go anyway. Saturday was Greencreek days, and the whole family was there. My dad brought all his stuff to brew beer there at all the festivities, so I spent most of my time with him, in the shade or in the car. I wasn’t doing too bad. By Sunday however, things got a whole lot worse. Sunday morning my eyes hurt so bad I had a blanket over my head because it was too bright for my eyes, even inside. By the time everyone got back to my sister's after church, My eyes hurt so bad I was crying. I called the on call doctor in Moscow and she said problems like this could impair my vision, depending what was wrong. She suggested I go to the emergency room to get it checked out. So, off we went to the Cottonwood ER, my sister, my mom and I.

The doctor there thought I might have had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics. He took a culture of my eye to check for viral and bacterial infections, which would indicate whether the pink eye was still there or not. He also changed me to different drops and said if it's not getting a lot better by Tuesday, I should go to an eye doctor. Tuesday came around and by then I was in so much pain, I was sobbing a lot, still hiding under blankets, and basically in agony. We got in to see the ophthalmologist that day and he said I never did have pink eye. I have something called Epi-scleritis. The sclera is the outer membrane of the eye and optic nerve. Apparently mine were swollen and inflamed. Epi-scleritis means it's only on the surface of the sclera, if the inflammation gets deeper then its called Scleritis. This would obviously be worse because it's deeper, but Scleritis is also indicative of an auto-immune disease. So far, mine has not become Scleritis, it has stayed on the surface. I was prescribed some really strong non-steroidal anti-inflammatory (nsaid) type drugs to help ease the pain and the inflammation.

When I went back to the doctor Friday (this brings us to July 9th), I had a different kind of pain. My eye socket felt like it was burning. The doctor looked into my eye again and could see the muscle behind my eye was cramping and spasming. This made all the little muscles around m y eye under the skin and whatnot spasm as well, which made them extremely painful. The doctor prescribed some eye drops that would dilate my eye and also hold the main spasming muscle still, which should keep the other muscles under control as well. I was to do these drops twice a day. These drops sting really bad and make my vision all blurry. At first, on Friday evening, it wasn't really working. It hurt so bad I was nauseous from the pain! We tried to call the doctor back, but he didn't respond, so we just kept on the drops and they eventually started to help.

My next appointment was supposed to be Wednesday, but Monday morning wasn't going well. We called the doctor's office and asked what to do. They suggested added some corticosteroid anti-inflammatory drops 4 times a day on top of the other drops and moved my appointment to Tuesday. The doctor isn't actually in on Mondays. At this appointment, he prescribed a different nsaid to take orally, and said I should see improvement in about 48 hours, so the first one wasn't working right. It was just a matter of finding the one my body responded to the best.

Now we are up to Friday, July 16th. Since having started the new nsaids, I thought I was doing a lot better. I hadn't had any pain since I started them, it was great. The doctor thought otherwise. When I went to my appointment Friday, he looked in my eye and told me I now have Iritis as well. This is where the iris sticks to the cornea. That doesn't sound good at all! So he poked and prodded and checked a bunch of stuff and then came the prescriptions. He changed the corticosteroid drops to a different type and I now have to use them every hour while I’m awake. Hours go by quickly when you have to do something for every one! This drop is an anti-inflammatory applied directly to the eye, so it will help the swelling that's causing the Iritis. He also added another drop that would dilate my eye in a different way. This would still help the spasming muscle, but mostly I think it forces the iris open and helps prevent it from sticking as much, since it's moving. Good news from this visit was it still hasn't slipped into Scleritis, it is still just on the surface (Epi-scleritis).

So, at this point, here is my eye maintenance. I have to apply one set of drops every hour I am awake, three times a day (exactly 8 hours apart, so 9pm, 5 am, and 1 pm) I take the nsaids orally (which have to be taken on a full stomach), and I apply two different sets of drops to my eye, which have to be added at least 5 minutes apart. It's really annoying to get up that early, eat something, take a pill, put in some drops (which sting really bad too, by the way) and then go back to sleep. However, I think it would be worse to eat a whole bunch right before bed (say at 10 or 11) then try to sleep from the beginning on the full stomach so I can wait until 5 or 6 am to take the pills. However it is done, it's just not convenient! But, for the sake of my eye, I will deal with it. I don’t want to turn into a pirate completely and not have the use of it!

Oh yeah, and I had been staying at my parent's house in Lewiston from July 1st until today. It feels good to be home! I can't drive however, for two reasons. One, my vision is really blurry in my left eye from the drops and two, my eye is so dilated that it just waters and waters when I'm in the sun (or any bright light) and I can't see anything. It's also usually to bright and I have to cover it up. So, I'm home but stuck inside most of the day and can't see well enough to do a lot of things. I can still watch movies and cook and stuff like that, so at least I can take care of myself!

More to come after Tuesday's appointment.

Long needed update!

I haven't updated this in way too long, I'm sorry! I am done with school now so I should be able to update a little more often. First, I will start by saying that the diet thing I posted last time only lasted zero days, as you can see I never did post anything after that. I also didn't stick to it. It's ok though, I will have other diet news later in this post.

Second, the big news I mentioned two posts ago wasn't really big news, but I have better news now. I have been seeing this guy, Trever, for about a month now. I know that's not very long, but I really like him. Things are going really well so far! We were only officially dating for about a week before he went back to Coeur d'Alene for the summer, but we have seen one another a few weekends here and there. This past weekend was his birthday so I was up there for that. I met his parents, they are very nice people and I got along with them well. I had a feeling I would, and it turns out they seem like they are just like my family! Same mentality and outlook on life; not too serious, but serious enough and that sort of thing. We did some shooting out at their property on the other side of the lake, roasted hot dogs and played in the woods. All in all it was a great weekend, and I think they like me! I am really hoping this one lasts a little longer than other have in the past, so far there is nothing on the cons side of the pros and cons list.

In other news, I am not taking summer classes for the first time in about four summers and I am very happy about that. I am spending my time working some but mostly doing projects around my apartment. Up until this week, I was working about 30 hours a week at the climbing wall and about ten as a note taker on campus for students with disabilities. Starting this week, I only work Mondays at the climbing wall (except for another three week period towards the end of the summer) and starting next week, I am taking notes in another class for about ten hours a week. My summer projects consist of cleaning my apartment (it's atrocious right now), finishing my dish rack, revamping my desk and rearranging my room, planting some veggies to grow in pots outside, and getting as much piano playing and leisure reading in as I can! I will also be spending time with Trever on the weekends when we can camping, going on motorcycle rides (he rides too), working on my bike or his truck and other fun things like that. I plan to go visit my sister and her family at some point this summer as well.

That about does it for now, stay tuned throughout the summer for more updates and pictures of my projects and my fun!

Paleolithic Diet: Day 0

My mom sent me a link to a diet called the Caveman Diet. After some research, I found it is also called the Paleolithic Diet and I like this better. Caveman Diet is a more popular thing that takes the participant through a series of phases, each 2 to 4 weeks long and I don't really like what they suggest. In a nutshell, the Paleolithic Diet is based on what humans ate during the Paleolithic time. It mainly consists of what you can hunt and gather and not have to cook to eat. By this I mean, meat, chicken and fish are all acceptable and should be cooked, but grains and potatoes cannot be eaten without first cooking them because they contain toxins that prevent absorption of nutrients and other thing we need.

Here is what I can eat on this diet:
Meat, chicken, fish
Eggs
Fruits
Vegetables, especially root veggies such as carrots, turnips, and parsnips (but not potatoes…these are not a vegetable)
Walnuts
Brazil nuts
Macadamia nuts
Almonds

Here is what I can not eat on this diet:
Wheat
Barley
Rye
Rice
Potatoes
Corn
Sorghum
Millit
Oats
String beans
Kidney beans
Lentils
Peanuts
Snow peas
Peas
Dairy
Sugar
Salt
Cashews

If you notice, the list of what not to eat is much longer that the list of what you can eat. Now, you may be wondering a few things, as I was, such as what about calcium if I can't eat dairy and what about fiber if I can't eat grains? Well, the answer is in the vegetables. Fortunately, this is a great time of year to start this because we are just getting into veggie season. I still have a little research to do, but I know there are a lot of veggies rich is fiber and calcium, and all the other vitamins and nutrient essential to our survival.

Also, I read that a little over half (about 56 to 65%) of my calorie intake should be from animal and about 36 to 45% should be from plant. Strangely enough these both add up to 101%, so I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, haha.


So, welcome to my journey. I am going to keep a log of what I eat in a day, how I feel and how this is all going. I will warn you, this may be very boring for the next couple of weeks but I will try to include some other more interesting aspects of my life as well.

Busy Busy Busy

I am very busy this week. I meant to post over the weekend, but forgot. Right now, my tummy hurts a lot and I don't know why. I didn't eat any wheat lately. I have a baked potato with bbq'd pork cheese, and sour cream for dinner. Oh well.

I have a lot of school stuff going on this week. A test on Friday and one next Monday, a big homework assignment in another class due Friday, and lots of work. Anyway, I'll try to post an update over the weekend. I actually have some big news I really want to share!

Killing Spiders

Puffs with lotion are not good for this. Just thought you all should know.

Kleenex vs. Puffs

I have been sick for a week now. It started on Sunday with just a sore throat. I missed work Monday, but made it Tuesday. Felt well enough Wednesday to reorganize my storage unit, but lost my voice completely by the end of the day. Thursday and Friday were spent on the couch. Thursday night I woke up twice in the middle of the night with mucus clogging all my breathing holes, so thick I couldn't move it. It was scary for a while, I couldn't really breath. I obviously got it moving because I am alive now. That prompted me to go to the doctor Friday morning. He gave me a prescription for Amoxicillin and codine.

I managed to go out for about 3 hours last night (Friday night). I went to a BBQ, which was very cold, then went to a friends and watched them play a rock band type game. It was actually really entertaining since they are pretty good. Anyway, by about 10:00 I was tired and my headache was so bad I couldn't move my head.

I went to bed and woke up with this severe headache. I’m not sure what it's from, but the collage of pills I took this morning must be kicking in because it's starting to feel a lot better. The codine I took last night knocked me out pretty good because I slept for 12 hours straight, which felt really good. I was up for 30 minutes this morning and went through 23 tissues in that amount of time. I'm starting to feel a lot better and I have a to do list today. I haven't done much all week except barely keep up with picking up after myself. Today I plan to pick up the house, do dishes, make granola, get groceries, and take out all the garbage. They are all packed full of tissues. I feel good about it.

Two lessons I learned from being sick this week. 1: Purchase tissues with lotion because they feel so much better on your nose when you have to blow it as much as I have. 2: Puffs with lotion are worth the little extra cost because they work a lot better than Kleenex with lotion. Puffs have left my nose much less raw than the Kleenex I purchased earlier in the week.


Collage of drugs I took this morning:

Motorcycle Wiring

A friend came over to help me with some motorcycle wiring problems I have been having. My first problem was with the brake light; it wasn't coming on when I applied the brakes. To test this, he pulled the brake lever and I checked the light, since I can't pull the lever and see the light at the same time. Turned out only the foot lever wasn't registering the light. This was fixed by a simple adjustment to the switch position. Took about 5 minutes. My friend made the adjustment and said,

"Well that was easy. Now what?"

I thought for a minute and decided we should check the headlights, the high beams were not coming on. So we fiddled with the lights, got them taken apart He pulled on the wires for the high beams and said, "oh, well here's your problem." Turns out I never did wire the high beams. That would definitely explain why they weren't coming on. I decided I didn't want to mess with wiring those in right then, so we put them back together.

"Well, that was easy. Now what?"

I thought for another minute and decided that my turn signals were next. They weren't working either. We took the light bulb out, checked to make sure it was good, it was. We moved to the bars where the mechanism to turn them on is. Took this all apart and cleaned it up a little since it was all sticky. This didn't fix it and we couldn't take it apart anymore to look at the actual switch. I decided we should trace the wires out of the switch to see where they went. Followed them to one end of a connector….that wasn't connected to anything. My friend hooked it back into the other end of the connector since I couldn't reach. Guess what? Turn signals worked! So did the horn. Amazing how that works. When you connect the wires to where they are supposed to go, they work!

"Well, that was easy. Now what?"

Well that was all I had to do. After about an hour of work, we had fixed all the electrical problems I was having with my bike. I wish it was all that easy.

I miss you.

Once again, I thought I was over you. As it turns out I'm not. I dunno, maybe I am. I'm going back and forth in my head as I'm typing this. Whatever. Maybe I just don't care anymore. I really wish I could just not care. It would make everything a whole lot easier. Maybe someday I'll forget you, and your little dog too.

Getting Life Organized

(Title inspired from my friends comment a few posts back)

Me being as ADD as I am, I actually have to plan and organize things that most people wouldn't even need to think twice about. But, having realized this about myself, I have taken quite a few steps this semester to help get me more organized. I borrowed a book about ways to organize life for people with ADD. Apparently, the normal techniques for normal people don't work for us. Makes sense, I have been trying them my whole life and they don't stick! My first step was schedules. I have developed a LOT of schedules. I have a laundry schedule (which reminds me, I need to get today's laundry started), I have a cleaning schedule, I have a menu, I even have a menu planning schedule, I have a piano playing schedule, and I have an eating schedule.

My cleaning schedule splits the important weekly cleaning chores into different days of the week, so it only takes about 15 minutes, 3 or 4 days a week It took a week or so to get this started. Actually, this really only started last night. I was behind on my cleaning, so I had to get everything all the way clean once before I could get started…

And here is an example of how my ADD mind works! Believe it or not, mid sentence up there, I decided I should write and ADD blog. I just did a quick web search and didn't find much, and nothing that was helpful for me at all. I know what you're thinking, this will just take more time and I already have a hard time getting done what I need to. Well, as you can see I spend *so much* time on this blog…extremely sarcastic just then, if you didn't pick up on that. I will see how it goes. Back to your regularly scheduled blog reading…

Where was I? Oh, yes. Cleaning. Last night, I was having focus issues. Could not bring myself to sit down and do homework like I really needed to. I was extremely tired, which didn't help. I decided I was going to be productive anyway. So, I put my homework away and I dusted, vacuumed, swept, and mopped instead! I was still tired when I finished, of course, but it felt good to get something productive done. This got me on track for my cleaning schedule. Now I can keep up with the schedule each week and I won't get overwhelmed.

Side story! After cleaning last night, it was time to cook dinner. I had planned dinner in my head earlier that day, salmon, wild rice, and herbed broccoli. I should know by now, especially when I'm tired, things never go exactly as I want them to. After spending a couple hours cleaning, I poured rice into a measuring cup. Can you see where this is going? Of course, the rice went all over the floor. I had just swept! If you have never had this happen, rice bounces everywhere when you spill it. So, I swept again. Thought about using it since I did just clean, then decided against it. I don't clean that thoroughly.

Ok, this is getting really long. I apologize. I'll summarize the rest. I have been sticking to my laundry schedule, and my menu fairly well. This helps me spend less time thinking about what to wear in the morning and what to cook in the evening. Also, I have leftovers to take to school with me for lunch. Uh, I kinda thought there was something else, but I can't remember now. Oh well! Thanks for reading all the way through this way too long post!

Class vs. Motorcycle vs. My Brain

I got up late today. I slept through two alarms and a text message. I don’t know what my deal has been lately, but I have been very tired. By the time I was ready to go, I was going to be late for my second class as well. I decided to spend the next couple of hours before my third class getting my motorcycle ready. I went to buy a battery and get the registration renewed. Last time I got a new battery, I didn't actually put it into the motorcycle and get it ready, so I assumed it was just like a car battery. Buy the battery, put it in the motorcycle and you're good to go. Wrong. Apparently, you buy the battery, then you have to fill the battery with the enclosed acid. It comes with step by step instructions so after a short pep talk and a few phone calls to fellow riders, I decided I should be able to handle it.

I got the acid into the battery with a couple minor hang ups, but nothing major. Next step, let the battery sit for 30 minutes, then charge according to chart on the next page. Wait, what? It was then 11:15 AM, and I was still expecting to put the acid in and take off. So, I texted my friend in my 3rd class and told him I wasn't going to make it because I didn't have time to get there, thinking it takes more than 15 minutes to walk, catch the bus, ride my bicycle, and my battery wasn't ready. I decided to be productive at home since I was missing so many classes.

I dug out my helmet and all my other riding gear and looked it over. Cleaned my helmet and visor, and I even wore my helmet outside for a few minutes to make sure the sun didn't glare off of it in any weird ways. I had time to eat lunch and take a look at some homework before my classmate met me to do homework before class.

As we were sitting there, I was tell her about my morning. It wasn't until then, at about 2:30 in the afternoon, that I realized that my math class is at 12:30 and I had texted my friend telling him I wasn't going to make it to class just before 11:30. I had a whole hour more before my class than I thought! I missed that class for no reason at all. Well, my reason was that my brain doesn't always work right!

At least I got my motorcycle all ready to go and I was able to ride it today.

Pandora

I bought a Pandora account. For those of you that don't know, Pandora is an internet radio thing. You create stations by starting with a seed song or artist, then Pandora picks other songs it thinks you will like based on the seed song. You can give these songs a thumbs up or thumbs down. Thumbs up means they guessed right, and they will continue to pick more songs like that. Similarly, thumbs down means you don’t' like that song and it won't play it anymore. A free Pandora account offers 40 hours of free listening each month. Apparently, I listen to more than that because I run out every month, with at least a week and a half left. So, today when I ran out, my study buddies suggested I buy an account. It is $36 a year, so $3 a month, a cheap price to pay for unlimited music. Especially since, it was pointed out to me by these same study buddies, that I heavily rely on Pandora to concentrate while doing homework. A very good point. So, $3 a month for at least 75% better concentration while doing homework is definitely a small price to pay.

Ok, Now it Hurts

My face hurts just a little and my feelings hurt just a little.

My face hurts because I am clumsy. I was opening a door today to leave a study room. I didn't have much room behind me so I was standing close to the door. When I opened it, and started to walk through it, I literally did that. I tried to walk through the door, not the opening. The door opened about 5 inches then bumped into my foot. I had forward momentum going and my face decided to make heavy contact with the corner of the door. I have a nice little bump next to my eye. It hurts when I smile, and when I blink, and when I look to the right, and just about everything else that might involve muscles of the face. Then again, it is my own fault.

My feelings hurt because I think it is finally sinking in that this guy I am so interested in is not interested in me. I am no longer happy just having him as a friend. I think that is because I don't really have him as a friend anymore. He doesn't want to hang out with me alone because he is too tempted to do things he shouldn't since we are not dating. I suppose this is a good thing, then we won't get ourselves into trouble.

So, I am alone again. Well, I was alone before, but I didn't feel as alone as I do now. I know what you'll say, someday I'll meet the right guy and it will all work out. Or, maybe it's not God's plan for me to get married. If that's the case, He needs to stop bringing such great guys into my life. Either way, nothing I can do about it right now, life goes on, I'm too busy with school anyway, there are other fish in the sea, and so on and so forth.

Back to Linear Algebra...

Eat, Sleep, Pray, Study, Climb

I spent part of the day yesterday organizing my life. It was long needed. I didn’t' get a lot of homework done, but I figured out my new approach for the climbing club, finally caught up on dishes, planned my meals for the next two weeks, went grocery shopping an started thinking about my schedule for other stuff. Like laundry. I think I am going to go back to a laundry schedule. See, I have all these ideas, I implement them for about a week, then I decide I don’t' really need them, and I fudge them here and there, and I just stop completely. But, If I have the schedule in place then I will stick to it for the most part, and if I deviate once in a while, it's ok. I also sat down and really thought about what is important in life.

I know it seems silly, but I wrote down 5 words of things I neglect that I really really shouldn't. Eat, Sleep, Pray, Study, Climb. They seems so basic, yet they often get skipped or put off, as an college student would agree with. They are in the order that I forget them too. I most often put off eating and sleeping so they are first. I made signs, just simple ones with a sharpie on printer paper. One word per page, nice and big, and I hung them on the wall. That way I will see them and remember to do them. Hopefully it will help me remember to take lunch to school with me, get my homework done early so I c an get enough sleep and what not. So far, it's been working. I made it to bed relatively early the last couple of nights, and I'm not too far behind where I want to be on homework. The signs area also reminders when I get off track to guide my focus back to what I should be doing.

On a side note, I took third place in the women's beginner category at the climbing competition at Eastern Washington this past Saturday. Our team took 4 places overall. We go to Oregon State University in Corvalis in a few weeks and I hope I do better there. Also, I will get to see Becky!

On another a side note, I have finally decided that since "the guy" is so determined that we can't hang out, I should really stop bugging him about it. I guess whether he says he does like me or not, either way he doesn't want to hang out much. I should take that as he doesn't like me as much as I would have liked. So, I'll leave him be.

Get over it

I don’t think I will be getting over him soon. I don’t think there is anything to get over. We never really had anything, no attachment, no relationship to speak of more than a friendship; this is what we still have. Yet there is something about him, something different. I felt from the first interaction we had, only a few months ago at my place of work. Our interactions there were brief and cordial mostly, but he did break out beyond that very slightly. After a few visits to my work, I didn’t hear from him for quite a while, much longer than I was comfortable with considering I had made a move at corresponding outside my work which was not taken well. It was later explained to me that he became busy with school and didn’t have the time to climb nor reply to my correspondence. We then began to hang out. I enjoyed his company immensely. He filled me with….I can’t even think of a word. Something I had never felt before, something that frightened me. For the first time in this situation, I feel such an aching to be with him, but I am perfectly content without him. I want him, but I don’t need him. I want him, but I don’t have him. Even without him, I long to be with him, but I am not sad without him. I am happy, hopeful, and inspired. I am perfectly content with not having him yet I want him. It’s rather confusing and I don’t really understand. This makes it very difficult to explain and I don’t know what it means. All I know is its different. He’s different. He fits. I can go on with my life without him but he (so far) is always in the back of my mind. It’s so cliché to say he makes me want to be a better person, and I don’t think that’s quite true for me. He inspires me to be me, whether he likes that or not. What I mean is, I don’t want to be more like what he wants, and I don’t want to be more like what society wants, I want to be more like me. He seems to be enough like me that we get along really well, but enough different that we’re not exactly the same. I have found that I can let go of things that used to bother me, things that were an unnecessary bother. He helps me see the lighter side of things and not take situations so seriously, yet still understands that I like things a certain way, and it makes me happy to have them that way. He is somehow inconsiderate at times, in a very considerate way. Things that I feel like should bother me just don’t. He kills my desire to prove myself at anytime with one little comment. Instead of making me angry like it usually does, it makes me realize that it doesn’t matter. Even as I write this, I think I should not publish it. Yet I know I will. Even as I think nobody actually knows the address of my blog, I know I will send it out to a few friends and they will read this. Maybe they can help me sort this whole thing out…