Get over it

I don’t think I will be getting over him soon. I don’t think there is anything to get over. We never really had anything, no attachment, no relationship to speak of more than a friendship; this is what we still have. Yet there is something about him, something different. I felt from the first interaction we had, only a few months ago at my place of work. Our interactions there were brief and cordial mostly, but he did break out beyond that very slightly. After a few visits to my work, I didn’t hear from him for quite a while, much longer than I was comfortable with considering I had made a move at corresponding outside my work which was not taken well. It was later explained to me that he became busy with school and didn’t have the time to climb nor reply to my correspondence. We then began to hang out. I enjoyed his company immensely. He filled me with….I can’t even think of a word. Something I had never felt before, something that frightened me. For the first time in this situation, I feel such an aching to be with him, but I am perfectly content without him. I want him, but I don’t need him. I want him, but I don’t have him. Even without him, I long to be with him, but I am not sad without him. I am happy, hopeful, and inspired. I am perfectly content with not having him yet I want him. It’s rather confusing and I don’t really understand. This makes it very difficult to explain and I don’t know what it means. All I know is its different. He’s different. He fits. I can go on with my life without him but he (so far) is always in the back of my mind. It’s so cliché to say he makes me want to be a better person, and I don’t think that’s quite true for me. He inspires me to be me, whether he likes that or not. What I mean is, I don’t want to be more like what he wants, and I don’t want to be more like what society wants, I want to be more like me. He seems to be enough like me that we get along really well, but enough different that we’re not exactly the same. I have found that I can let go of things that used to bother me, things that were an unnecessary bother. He helps me see the lighter side of things and not take situations so seriously, yet still understands that I like things a certain way, and it makes me happy to have them that way. He is somehow inconsiderate at times, in a very considerate way. Things that I feel like should bother me just don’t. He kills my desire to prove myself at anytime with one little comment. Instead of making me angry like it usually does, it makes me realize that it doesn’t matter. Even as I write this, I think I should not publish it. Yet I know I will. Even as I think nobody actually knows the address of my blog, I know I will send it out to a few friends and they will read this. Maybe they can help me sort this whole thing out…